School Assignment: Introduction: Who are you?

17 09 2012

‘Who am I?’ The topic is interesting, because it basically asks you to write an instruction manual on yourself for others to take part in, without speaking to you at all. To ask a stranger to who he is, is a first step to get to know him. And it’s always flattering if people ask about you. The world suffers from bad first impressions, so I’ve told myself to always give people a second chance. Because I might be surprised.

So here I am. I am Cecilia Bexander and currently studying Game Design, year 4.

It is interesting to see how the written personality differs from the personality you just spoke to. I communicate visually. I sense and explore the world through my eyes. I paint, write and look through many different point of views. If I’ll explain something, I prefer to show it with pictures and tell them what I see in them.

I trust my eyes more than I trust the spoken word. That can be explained with during the first year of my life, I was mostly deaf, so my language development began later than other children. Back then, from my perspective, everyone mumbled to me, so I mumbled back in return.

Everyone can once in awhile relate to the social outcast, that awkward feeling of not fitting in. I felt I was different. So as a young girl I was drawn to people who were odd like me, but they were still not an exact copy of me. That difference intrigued me because they were not like me. They, despite having different origins, manage to have something in common with me.

So put me in the middle of a group of strangers and ask me to work with them. They all have different skills than I. What will I do? The human knowledge is collective, each mastery of a skill is part of the group’s competence as whole.

I enjoy watching progress and want to share it and help others with it. So I am a good listener and give constructive feedback. I’m curious about others and listen to them just to soak up as much info as possible.

I may be a good listener but I prefer clear and written instructions just to be sure to avoid misunderstandings. You can look back at a paper to confirm what has just been said.

When working alone I have noone else to push me or stop me. I’ll never give up on a task, even if I get stuck. When stuck you start to look for alternative solutions but still remain the same goal.

The same relentless won’t let me admit if this is where I should stop. I’ll have to break my legs first in order to be able to stop walking. It might sound stubborn, but that is an excellent trait for a storybook hero.

Now storybook heroes, those would be excellent role models.

If I dare to be bold, I would suggest myself as a role model or anyone like me. This may sound narcissist, but I step out of the ego and look at the person. If I met someone like me, and know everything about her, I would be proud. You are the only one who know you best. Every time you succeeded in a challenge should be worth admiration. Despite everything against you, you still pull through. Only I know what my true obstacles are, what I’m constantly facing. Life is hard, but you learn to live with it. So look at yourself in the mirror and give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done.

But if I have to choose someone other than me, that person will be my grandfather. There is no more selfless person than him. He gives so much and get little in return. You have to have to have some tremendous strength to keep going like that.

I wanted to make computer games, so naturally the first step was computer game school. I expected that I would learn everything I needed. Art, programming and design. I could do anything by myself.
That was the original plan. And in school I learned something that stood out from the rest and affected my lone wolf characteristics deeply:

Life is one giant group project.

It’s all about group projects. Because the most use I’ve learned from my studies are always from group projects. You get to learn how to create a workable flow when you share hardships and am dependent on each other’s abilities to stay afloat. You’re forced to come up with solutions that everyone are pleased with, or even adapt or back away. And you adapt your skills after each new project and their members. Because everyone has different needs.

Different needs breeds different visions and perspective. As an artist, I have my own visions on how things are. So I would love to work with visualizing visualizing someone else’s vision and make that person think “I made this”. Despite me that made this person’s thought physical, I still want him to think the piece as his, because it was his idea and without it, the piece would not exist in the real world.

Art is a restless subject. There is no end in art, it can be forever improved upon. So taking the first step is often the largest one, then you continue to tip-toe your way up to the top.

A curious and fun thing I can recommend to do is to analyse yourself with the Five Factor Model, the so called OCEAN factors. If you don’t know or am unaware how people view you, you can try categorize yourself into these five personalities and then ask your friends and colleagues if they think the same about your own. The result may differ from the result made by your friends because you will always do this with some self criticism and also how you associate the words with.

The five OCEAN factors are these:

    • Openness
        (inventive/curious vs. consistent/cautious)
    • Conscientiousness
        (efficient/organized vs. easygoing/careless)
    • Extraversion
        (outgoing/energetic vs. solitary/reserved)
    • Agreeableness
        (friendly/compassionate vs. cold/unkind)
    • Neuroticism

(sensitive/nervous vs. Secure/confident)

Openness – I see myself both as inventive and curious. Being inventive is a consequence of being curious. I have not yet molded myself into a single frame of work and thus can quickly adapt into new hierarchies.

Conscientiousness – I seem to work well when organized but can be flexible. I pay attention to details and enjoy getting orders, since I work well with guidelines. But I’m also curious about new solutions, because I have not yet been molded into a certain framework and thinking.

Extraversion – I chose solitary because I relate to solitude. I don’t mind attention at all, I enjoy spending time with people, but I often sit quietly in a corner and observe. I engage in conversations as long as I know what to say, I rarely start a conversation unless I have a script to follow.

As mentioned before, I was hearing impaired the first year of my life. This seem to still affect my relations with words. I may be good at different national language, both pronouncing and writing it, but improvising speech without “testing” it first will always be difficult for me.

My face blindness makes every new acquaintance I’ve recently met a stranger, since I’m unable to recognize them. I’m still curious, happy and polite meeting new people, but fear that me being unable to recognize them will offend them, for one of the biggest flattery a person can get is recognition. I am worried to appear ignorant and rude.

Agreeableness – I would categorize myself as friendly. I am most interested in people, and believe no one hold ill intentions to me, since they are so different from me, and I find that exciting. Since I’m having difficult to read people I try to be as neutral as possible in conflicts.

Neuroticism – I am mostly relaxed when I enter a flow in my work, but I see myself as a nervous person, because I am always on alert with what I do. My behaviour have to be right so nothing gets misunderstood and that exhaust me. And of course, my art. I am never satisfied and constantly strive for improvement. But I also know that everything I do, I get a little better at it.

In the section 2.4 in “Strategic Skills Assessment for the Creative
Industries
” report, they mentioned that using the Internet advertisement became more dominant than other media. So getting out on the net to spread my work will be important. If it’s not on the ‘net, it doesn’t exist.

Based on the previous analysis I would work much better under commands. So I prefer to work in a group with an authority so I can turn to guidance.

In section 3.1 and 3.2 in the same report seem to boil down to that there is a constant shortage of experienced and technically skilled people. Anyone can have creative ideas, which I have, but do they have the knowledge to execute them? And there also is the trouble of constant evolving technology to keep up to. I am not worried since most things will remain the same, it just carry a different shell. Each task can always begin with pen and paper being sketched down.

Will this dream job be worth the risk I take?

I see that any hell wandered through will be worth it if I managed to reach the goal. Sure, one can always do better, but thinking that is easy in hindsight. But it’s always count towards success when reached.
So any effort, no matter how much, will be worth the reward.

Getting another person trusting in my competence without knowing how I came into fruition would be considered a success. I had many people in my life telling me I’m hard working and talented and appreciates my work. But these people who have watched me grow isn’t often the people that will be my first employer. That employer might not be even aware of my earlier accomplishments. All he sees are the things I do now. So what I do now will always matter, not what I’ve done before or will do.

In overall I am a person under constant evolution. I really believe I can provide something extra with my unique perspective and insights. The outcast is never truly out, he simply observe from a distance, keeping up the pace in his own way.

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